“so that they might know the touch of your jingle-bell napkin rings”

For me, one of the highlights of the Christmas season is Drew Magary’s annual “Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog.”  For 2015, he does not disappoint:

“HOWEVER, I do have some good news to soften the blow, my friend. While the coops are gone, the Williams-Sonoma Christmas catalog is still here. And yes, it remains as hilariously tone-deaf as ever, ready to help you plan the PERFECT holiday entertaining season, because to experience anything otherwise would be COLD DEATH. You must have a flawlessly laid-out dinner spread. You must have coordinated china and stemware patterns. The lyrics to ‘Sleigh Ride’ must literally BE your life. You must SING! Yes, you must join hands with your gorgeous WASP children and sing carols in perfect harmony aloud for all to hear, so that the rest of world knows the truth: that their lives are SHIT and you, good friend, live among the holiday gods, in an evergreen paradise scented with luscious peppermint oils and laden with soup tureens and festooned with garlands sewn from the skinned corpse of a dead swan.

Behold hand-crafted teacups, and copper mugs filled with hot mulled wine, and very tiny candies with even tinier bits of candies sprinkled upon them, and jolly wreaths, and big hunks of imported bleu cheese that will help distract EVERYONE from the fact that Mumsy and Dudsy are still waiting for their divorce papers to finalize! You’ll gather round the hearth and drink fizzy punch while a gaggle of homeless orphans stand outside your window in the freezing cold … staring. LONGING. Aching to be taken in so that they might know the touch of your jingle-bell napkin rings.”

Class warfare has never been this consistently entertaining.

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